My Best Friend's Wedding

Yesterday my best friend told me that he (yes he) was engaged.  I was very happy for him.  I mean who wouldn't be excited that their best friend is getting married?  ME!  When I said I was happy, that was before I found out who he was marrying.  His fiance' is someone that I have known for years and never really cared for.  I'm almost certain that she will make him happy; in fact, she's been more of a best friend to him than I have ever been.  So I KNOW that she will make him happy and that he is really happy about his future with her.  In all actuality I am really happy for him and excited that he is getting married. 

She has never done anything to me for me not to like her.  I think that my dislike of her stems from jealousy.  Jealous that her relationship with my best friend is a lot stronger than mine.  Jealous that he used to tell me everything and now he tells me nothing.  Jealous that he gets off the phone with me to speak with her.  Jealous that I used to be the one that he called with all of his good news and I had to call him in order to find out that he was engaged.  Jealous that she took my place and my best friend!  I know it sounds really middle schoolish!  But that jealousy reared it's ugly head yesterday and I think I may have lost my best friend forever.  I said some really hurtful things, but I didn't mean them.  I was just being my old spoiled self and I had to have the last word and I regret it all.  He invited me to his wedding (despite the fact that he wasn't invited to mine) and he even wanted me to be in the wedding.  And I went off and told him that I didn't agree and that I hoped he had an awful marriage....OUCH!!!  Yeah, I said that. When I went over the conversation in my head, I couldn't believe all of the terrible things I'd said.  Needless to say, now he's not answering my calls and texts and I felt terrible.  What have I done?

I Really Hate Romance Movies

You know I just finished watching the movie "Letters to Juliet." - HATED IT!! No, really I loved it because it had one of those warm, sappy, happy endings and it just pisses me off!  Why do they make movies like this?  This is not real and all it does is make little girls think that when they grow up their lives are going to be one big happy, romantic story.  Where are the kinds of men in real life?  Hell, where are these kinds of women in real life?  I was one of those little girls who grew up watching movies like "Gone With the Wind" and reading Shakespeare; thinking that my Prince Charming was out there waiting for me and that life would be one big fairy tale.  Boy was I wrong and what did it get me?  A lot of disappointment and bitterness! 

Don't get me wrong.  I am happily married and I love my husband with all of my heart, but the road that got me to this point was full of bumps and potholes!  Which taught me to be the cynic that I am today!  So, if anyone out there reading this is one of those sappy authors....STOP IT!!!  No more love stories, no more setting girls up to be disappointed by the realities of the world, and no more lies! 

Urrrgghh!

Why is it so hard to walk away?  I was supposed to be at my school with my resignation letter in hand at 8:00 this morning.  I just finished writing it and I feel awful!  Yes, the waterfalls have started!  Why can't I just be like a normal person and let go?  Urrggghhh!!!