Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a  sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

 If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.  (and I'm always right!!)

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.  (hopefully it's you)

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.  (watch the training the next time you're at Sea World)

Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.  (this is why I feel a little dumber when the argument is over - although I knew what I was talking about when it began)

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.  (SO TRUE!!!)

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "Doctor".  (Why would you tell my husband?  Tell someone that's going to be able to save my life and cut out the middle man.)

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.  (I also blame it on the rain, the alcohol, and whatever else I can think of at the time.)

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Hmmmmm...)

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!  (at least most of the time)

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. (I take life this way as often as possible)

You're never too old to learn something stupid.  (just ask a 6th grader)

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. (only you know what you were aiming for)